


Sleep Through It

by July



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Humanstuck, M/M, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-25
Updated: 2012-11-25
Packaged: 2017-11-19 11:08:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/572605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/July/pseuds/July
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I just don’t think I’ve ever seen him so happy. And I know he had other friends like Kar and Kan and Vriska, but I think you saved his life on numerous occasions.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sleep Through It

**Author's Note:**

  * For [InkSkratches](https://archiveofourown.org/users/InkSkratches/gifts).



“So you still haven’t told your mum and dad?”

Eridan grips the steering wheel tightly for a moment and relaxes with a sigh. He gives Sollux a glare before staring back out toward the frozen country road in front of them.

“It’s just you told me you were going to do it this week.”

“Yeah, well, things don’t always go according to plan, Sol.”

It was Sollux’s turn to sigh as he took his phone from his pocket, checking the time and finding Feferi from his contacts list. “We’ve talked about this.”

“I’m sorry, Sol, you want me to explain it again?” His knuckles are white again, his shoulders hunched and muscles tensed. His mind is calling for a cigarette, as it usually did when he was trying to quit. This would not be another failed attempt to add to the collection of many. “Maybe your family were cool with this because they’re a bunch of liberal hippies or whatever, but you know what my family is like? Sol, they are-“

“So religious, you were forced to go to church twice a week, yeah, I seem to have heard that before.”

“Oh, fuck off,” he growls, sounding slightly more aggressive than he meant to. Sollux only chuckles, placing a hand on Eridan’s shoulder. He eases slightly, but his eyes never leave the road. Flying past them are endless forests, black, bare branches covered in clusters of soft white interrupted occasionally by empty farmer’s fields covered in the same white blanket. They hadn’t seen another car since leaving the city even though the weather was not as treacherous as it could be.

“Look, I know it’s not going to be easy for you, but have they ever really shown any sign of being really hateful towards any type of minority?”

“No, I’ve told you that. I just... It’s all I can expect. I know they’re going to react poorly. Even if they don’t completely disown me, I know I’ll get weekly emails about God’s salvation or some other condescending shit.”

Sollux pats Eridan on the shoulder, feeling his phone vibrate in his pocket. He reads the message and smiles. “Feferi’s wondering what’s taking us so long.”

“Jesus, Fef, maybe it’s because we are driving on Canadian country highways in the middle of bloody January.” He smiles and his shoulders relax down at his sides. They were taking the relatively short one-hour drive to Grand Bend, visiting their old friend from high school. She lived right on the beach, the shores of Lake Huron outside her window. Even during the grey winter months, the view was still peaceful; usually the lake never completely froze over. She still worked in Paddington’s, a pub often booming with nightlife from tourists in the summer, but settling down considerably after the first leaves had turned colour.

The flat southern Ontario landscape allowed for the pair to see far out into the distance. There was another car ahead of them, a black pickup truck with its headlights on. As they approached, light flakes of snow began to hit the windshield.

“Jesus, is this guy drunk?” Sollux asked, squinting to see better ahead of them as the truck veered slightly into their lane and back again. “Slow down a bit, I don’t know what this guy’s doing.”

Eridan eased off on the gas pedal, shifting to the side of the road, watching the other car wobble its way past them on the highway. Breathing a small sigh of relief, he went back to his normal speed.

“It’s ten in the fucking morning, that’s pretty sad.”

Sollux smirks at Eridan, his attention now being directed outside his window.

“I think you’re supposed to call the cops if you see that kind of thing.”

“I don’t know, we don’t even know what was happening to him.”

“Sol, no, what if there’s some family with little kids back there that he’s swerving his way towards. Just take out your phone...”

Eridan digs his phone from his pocket and tosses it on Sollux’s lap. He turns the Blackberry on and starts dialing 9-1-1 on the phone. He ignores the return text from Feferi as he holds Eridan’s phone to his ear.

He barely hears the first words from the operator when there’s suddenly a second car coming towards them. It’s much closer to them than the previous car.

“9-1-1, what’s your emerge-“

The last thing he hears is a sickening screech of metal.

\--

His heart leaps as he’s suddenly awake, eyes staring wide at the beige wallpaper in front of him. His breath is frozen in his lungs until he’s able to exhale deeply, feeling his jumpstarted heart’s beating slow down to a normal pace. He closes his eyes again, feeling sleep keeping them closed once again. In a moment, he feels arms around him, reminding him of the other presence in bed with him. He turns around slowly, Eridan not budging against him. He’s still fast asleep, though the pale blue light of day is shining through the curtains. Sollux places his head against his chest and inhales, holding his breath for a few seconds before letting go.

“You all right?” Eridan murmurs into his hair, the deep rumble of his tired voice vibrating in his throat. Sollux smiles and replies with a sound, lifting his head to kiss the corner of his lover’s mouth. Eridan chuckles and the anxiety from the nightmare dissipates instantly.

“Yeah, just a bad dream.”

“God, how much did we have to drink last night?”

“You mean how much did you.” He sits up slowly, hearing his spine crack as he stretches his stiff muscles. “I feel fine, but you were pretty plastered. Had to carry your drunk ass to the cab.”

Eridan looks puzzled, not getting up, his impending headache weighing him down. He knows as soon as he moves, the rush of a hangover headache will hit him. “What did you dream about?”

Sollux doesn’t answer, his heart sinking into his stomach recalling everything that happened. Usually when he woke from a bad dream, the details faded fast and he forgot it completely within hours. This time it’s still fresh, every word in the conversation, every bit of shock when the car came hurling towards them.

“Sol?”

He shakes his head as he gets up from the bed, walking across the room to retrieve his t-shirt. “I don’t remember. Don’t get up, I’ll get you some meds before I have to hear your bitching.”

“Fuck you, Sol.”

\--

He feels bleary another day when he wakes up, blurs of bright white lights from above assaulting his vision. Sollux blinks, his head lolling about as he tries to focus on his surroundings. There’s a pain in his face, across his forehead and down his cheek. His sense of feeling throbs back to life as his entire body aches underneath some unfamiliar numbing sensation. The room around him comes into view, and it’s empty save for the noise of people talking in the background, likely outside.

“Sollux?”

A deep and groggy, yet feminine voice comes from beside him. He feels a hand clasping around his and Feferi is beside him. Turning his head, he sees the girl seated next to him, her face pulled in an expression of dread and exhaustion. Her dark mascara is heavily smudged under her eyes, lips trembling.

“You were in a car accident,” she said, voice so hoarse it verged on a whisper. “You’re okay, you cut your face up a bit and broke a couple ribs, but Eridan...” Her face twists in agony as she lets out a heaving sob, lowering her head into her hands. “I’m so sorry.”

Sollux doesn’t reply, laying his head back, staring at the ceiling while Feferi cries next to him. The realization takes him a moment before he can stop the overflowing of silent tears falling down his temples and soaking the pillowcase underneath him. He never lets go of her hand.

\--

“Oh my god, how long does it take to deliver a fucking pizza?”

Karkat glares at everyone in the room, focusing his attention on Sollux the most. Eridan sits on the floor in front of them, gaze locked on the screen as he’s caught in an incredibly tight match of Mortal Kombat with Vriska. Neither they nor Aradia or Kanaya pays him any mind, but Sollux lazily looks away from the television to face his friend.

“Fatality!” Vriska shouts suddenly along to the screen announcing her character’s victory. Eridan curses, angrily turning around to face Sollux and Karkat.

“She has kicked all of our asses, one of you get up here and stop sucking.” Karkat gets up and takes Eridan’s spot next to Vriska while Eridan flops down on the couch.

“All I wanted was a normal night of pizza and weed but no,” Karkat begins ranting, “the pizza still isn’t here and we’re too fucking high strung on a video game to even begin thinking about chilling the fuck out.”

“That’s right, channel your rage into video games.”

Kanaya sits on the end of the sofa, smirking at Karkat. “You wanted girl versus boys,” she says.

“Yeah that’s before I knew Vriska’s apparently a fucking tank.” He receives a quick punch on the arm from the girl beside him before dishing out a critical hit in the game.

“Could be Pokemon Stadium again,” Sollux commented before an enthusiastic collective, “NO,” rang out through the room.

“So many friendships lost that night, and I still don’t talk to Gamzee as much as I used to,” Eridan grumbles. He glances at Sollux to see his face illuminated by the television screen. All night he was wearing a worried expression highlighted by the dark circles under his eyes indicating a lack of sleep. He knows about the apparent vivid dreams his boyfriend was having, but apparently he can’t remember exactly what happened in them. He places his hand next to Sollux’s, touching his fingers supportively. He doesn’t react.

“Hey, what have I said before about public display of affection?” Karkat snarled as Vriska defeated him once again.

“Aaaaaaaand that’s the kind of thing that gets you beat,” Vriska teased, putting down the controller. “You guys are boring, I think we win.”

Eridan retracted his hand, smiling at Karkat’s uncanny ability to sense anything he didn’t like. “Are you sexually frustrated, that’s why you get so pissed off? When was the last time you had a date?”

“I do have a girlfriend, in case you’ve forgotten.” He gets up off the floor, leering at Vriska. “She kind of lives here, you know.”

“Yeah, where is she?” Aradia asks. “I never see Nepeta these days.” Karkat slumps over the bookcase beside the couch, opening a small cabinet drawer and taking out a small plastic bag of grass and rolling papers. As he closes the drawer, the doorbell rings and Vriska bounces off towards the door to get the pizza. 

“She’s visiting her family in Ireland, she won’t be back for a month yet.” He looks around at the pairs of eyes staring at him. “Okay, fine, maybe I miss her a bit.”

Vriska joins them again, carrying four boxes as Karkat is rolling the first joint on the coffee table. “You think we have enough?” she asked, sitting between Eridan and Kanaya.

“There’s like twenty bags of chips in the cupboard, are you forgetting who also lives here?” Karkat lights the rolled paper, taking the first inhale on the weed. “To good friends, lukewarm pizza, and Gamzee’s fresh grown dope in the garage.”

\--

Feferi brings home food once and a while from work. It’s two days before Eridan’s funeral and the snow hasn’t stopped since Sollux came back from the hospital. He’s watching TV when she comes in the door back from her morning shift with a paper bag containing the day’s lunch. Her face is flushed bright pink from the cold, standing out harshly against her dark coat. She nods a greeting towards Sollux as she kicks her boots off and unzips her coat. Avoiding the puddles of freshly melted snow at the door, she tiptoes over to the living room and sets down the bag on the table in front of the television.

“I brought some soup,” she chirps, catching Sollux’s gaze. “Chicken noodle, it’s really good.” She hangs her coat up on the rack and smoothes out her wavy hair before sitting down next to him. “How are you?”

He turns to look at her and attempts a smile. “I’m fine, you know, considering...”

“Yeah, I know,” Feferi sighs and opens the bag, taking out two closed styrofoam containers. She hands one to Sollux and takes the lid off her own, blowing on the steaming liquid. Testing it on her bottom lip, she takes a small sip, feeling the tingle of a slight burn on her tongue. “It’s still hot.”

Sollux holds his, the lid remaining as he stares at it. He spent most of the time at Feferi’s silent, blankly staring as if constantly in thought. He hadn’t cried much, like he was suspended in disbelief over Eridan’s death. It didn’t help there wasn’t much to do around Feferi’s house when she wasn’t there. When she was, she tried to engage him in card games or Nintendo 64, though she had barely spoken of the topic weighing down heavily on them. Though with the funeral happening so soon, in the large city in a funeral home where all his friends and family would be weeping around his corpse, she needed to say something about it soon.

“I’m thinking on Thursday, that,” she mumbles, Sollux unmoving. She pauses, biting her lip in thought. “I don’t know, what about Thursday?”

“He never told them, his parents,” he mutters.

“Told them what?”

“About us. That he was gay.” Sollux looks up at Feferi, giving her a questioning look and expecting an answer.

“Oh, I, uh... I don’t know if it’s a great idea to say anything then, Sollux.”

He frowned, shaking his head. “I told him to do it sooner rather than later. But if I have to talk to them, and about him, how much I love him-“ his voice is cut off by a whimper, the first tears welling up in his eyes. He had barely cried all week. He quickly wipes at his eyes, careful not to touch the bandaged areas. Feferi puts her soup down, hugging him tightly to her, sniffling back tears as well.

“I know, I know,” she coos, voice warbling with her sobs. “Have you ever met them, Sollux? You do know why he never told them, though, right? I just don’t think Thursday is the best time.”

“Oh, why, because it will offend them? He’s dead, Feferi! I don’t think things could get any worse than that.” Anger rises in his voice as he pulls away, his tears stopping momentarily. “Even if they find out their dead son is gay, he is still their dead son. Their dead gay son, I don’t think it’s going to matter.”

Feferi stares at him, her eyes wide and pleading. She shakes her head, looking down. “No, you’re right. He’s just always wanted to keep it a secret.”

Sollux nods, sniffling once and turning back to his soup. He takes the lid off and sips some, not caring about the searing heat. “It’s not just about them.” Feferi leaned against Sollux, an arm around his shoulders, watching him sip gingerly at his soup.

“It’s about everyone who loves him.”

\--

When Eridan walks through the door, Sollux is there, kissing him before he gets a chance to talk. When he pulls away, he grins widely, gesturing with his head towards the bedroom door. Eridan follows without question as they speed towards the room, Eridan grasping Sollux’s shoulders and pinning him down on the bed. Their mouths attack one another as Sollux makes small whimpering noises. Eridan grinds his hips against his, heart pounding in anticipation. Sollux often surprises him with unprompted sex when he gets home from work late.

It isn’t long before Sollux is stripping Eridan’s shirt off, exposing a lean, but muscled figure. The other is skinny, his first ribs visible when his collared shirt is removed. Eridan kisses his neck, careful not to bother the bruises left over from their last night. He groans as Eridan kisses down his chest, stopping at his sternum when his fingers begin to undo his belt. The rest of their clothes come off quickly, discarded around the bed as they kissed. The heat of their blood courses through them, warmth radiating between their bodies. Sollux doesn’t stop making his small noises as Eridan moves in him, legs wrapped tightly around his hips. He looks up at him, huffing and moaning when their eyes meet, the sudden intensity making them slow their movements. Eridan catches his lips as his hips roll more gently, but persistently against his. Sollux is silent when he comes, gaining a gasp a mutter of something unintelligible from the other. Eridan lies next to him afterward, the pair panting and spent.

As Eridan holds Sollux’s body to his, he kisses his ear before nestling in the back of his neck. Outside the noise from downtown barely makes its way into the room, near silence hanging the air around them. There’s nothing to do but lay there.

“I love you,” Eridan whispers, his voice ghosting across Sollux’s neck. It feels like a stone drops in his stomach when he says it. He mumbles back the same words, but sighs, suddenly feeling remorse.

“You know these dreams,” he says, anxiety building in his tone.

“Yeah, what about them?”

“They involve you.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.” Sollux bites the inside of his cheek, looking across the room up and down the walls. “You’re, uh... Well, you die in them.”

There’s no answer from Eridan, only the feeling of his breathing against his back. “Well, they’re just dreams.”

“I know. But it’s really bothering me. Just the idea of going through that, you know?”

Sollux turns around to face Eridan, arms wrapping even tighter around his thin frame. Eridan kisses him gently, letting his lips linger. “I’m here, though. Right now. I’m not going anywhere. Because I love you and nothing’s going to happen to us.”

\--

“I figured it was pretty obvious, don’t know why he thought mum and dad would be upset by it.”

Two weeks have passed since the funeral, and Sollux is back in his and Eridan’s apartment. Feferi offered to stay with him a short while, but he didn’t want her to get behind on work. Cronus sits in the middle of their couch, staring at the unlit cigarette he’s fiddling with in his hands. On the table in front of him is an arrangement of flowers from the funeral, now dried up and dead, the red from the carnations now a deep burgundy. Sollux hadn’t bothered to throw them out, curiously holding onto them as if it was just another memory of Eridan. His eyes wonder to Cronus, not budging in his hunched posture he kept as soon as he returned home. The snow had stopped falling for a few days, the sky turning less grey and becoming brilliantly blue while the sun shone down. Somehow the cheery weather only made him feel worse.

“You can light that if you want,” Sollux mumbles. Though Cronus still lived in the city, they barely knew each other. He was in the local music scene, though from what he heard from Eridan, he was a terribly shitty musician. Even now he wears a leather jacket and his hear is styled in something close to a fucking pompadour. Cronus lights his cigarette, taking a short drag and letting the smoke billow around in front of him. The smell is dirtier than normal for a cigarette, being the cheap contraband reservation kind. Taking out a metal case, Cronus offers one to Sollux and he takes it. His hope of quitting smoking has gone down the drain, feeling the stress bearing down on him harder than it ever has.

“So what did you come here for?”

Cronus shrugs. “Though you might want to talk.” He looks up at Sollux, eyes glassy as he recedes back into the sofa. “Well, I mean, maybe you’d want to listen. Just some things about my brother you might want to hear.”

Sollux tilts his head back and exhales smoke, taking as much from the quick-burning cigarette as he can. “Go on.”

“He just... God, you know how he was always into wizards and shit?”

“Obviously. It’s how we met, nerding out over the fact that there was a Dungeons and Dragons club in college.”

Cronus laughs quietly, reaching into his coat pocket, taking out his wallet and flipping through the small pockets for photos. A small one comes out and he hands it to Sollux. The picture is faded and yellowed, as a picture of a toddler Eridan wearing a starry cape and pointed hat. He’s holding a black magician’s wand and grinning widely at the camera, with a stance that was every bit excitement and pride. Sollux stares at the photo, studying every single part of it, the expression on the boy’s face, the ridiculous outfit. He tears himself away from it for a moment to see Cronus rubbing his eyes.

“I bet he didn’t show you any of his kid pictures. They’re pretty much all like that.”

Sollux turns the photo over to see the date, “1992” scribbled on the back in red pen. “You’re right, I really haven’t seen any.” He hands the photo back but Cronus doesn’t take it.

“You can have it if you want, you seem pretty enthralled by it.” He takes the empty Coke can in front of him, tapping off the cigarette ashes into the hole. “I think I just wanted to say you’re probably the best thing that every happened to him. At least later in his life.”

A lump formed in his throat as Cronus continued.

“When he was a teenager, he wasn’t very happy. Kids picked on him a lot, and I always saw him coming home miserable. The only advice our parents ever gave him or even me was to talk about with God or whatever, which was their only advice on anything. I mean, they tried, honestly they did, but I don’t think they got it. And his first year of college was horrible. I would be in Toronto most of the time, and he’d call me constantly because he was cracking. Then the calls sort of stopped. I think that’s when he met you. I don’t know when you two got like... involved or anything, but I’m pretty sure you were his only friend at the time.”

The lump in his throat remained no matter how hard he tried to swallow it down. He hesitantly takes another inhale, waiting for Cronus to continue.

“I just don’t think I’ve ever seen him so happy. And I know he had other friends like Kar and Kan and Vriska, but I think you saved his life on numerous occasions.”

His last sentence made Sollux hold his breath, pursing his lips together. He didn’t reply, merely staring back down at the photograph to the small boy’s happy face. He heard the rustle on the couch on Cronus getting up.

“Thanks for letting me in, I can call later if you’d like.”

Sollux shakes his head. “It’s all right.”

“I can get you more smokes, I’m going to the res today.”

He pauses, caving and taking out his wallet to withdraw a crisp, red fifty and handing it to the older brother. “Whatever you can get, and thanks.”

He simply nods before heading out the door.

\--

Clouds of frosty breath rise above the pair as they drift across the ice. Sollux grasps Eridan’s mitten hand, looking out over the otherwise empty park, twinkling coloured lights decorating the tall, dark pine trees. The ice rink is surprisingly sparse despite the beautifully clear night, the dark sky dotted with tiny diamond stars. They glide in large circles around the edge of the rink, Sollux comfortable in skates, Eridan not so much. He holds his hand as Eridan wobbles occasionally next to him.

“You are so useless in those, holy shit,” Sollux laughs as Eridan shoots him a glare from the side. “I thought your family would be all into the hockey thing when you were a kid.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, Sol, I am the farthest thing from athletic. And yes, they were really into the hockey thing, but I was not.”

Sollux winces with a smile as he recalls his days of skating lessons and being completely disinterested in whatever the instructor had to say. He only picked up the skill with a natural talent with the blades.

“Four years, Sol, that’s how long it took people to figure out, huh, he really doesn’t seem to enjoy this much, and he’s pretty bad at it, take him off the ice, eh?”

A snort of laughter and Sollux lets go of Eridan’s hand, speeding up slightly ahead of him and turning around, sliding backwards. A shiver runs through him as he separates from the other body, reminding him of the chilly air. He watches as Eridan catches up to him, hooking their arms together and continues forward.

“So I was thinking,” Eridan said, trailing off. “That once Christmas passes, we should go back to Grand Bend and see Fef. The last time we were there, we hardly saw her at all.”

“Oh god, do not talk about that bush bash ever again, how many times have I told you?” Eridan grins patronizingly, Sollux’s face flushing a deeper shade of red.

“I have never seen someone throw up in the woods so much.”

“I think,” Sollux interrupts, “seeing Feferi this year is a great idea. Just us, or should we all go along?”

“Her house isn’t that big, I think it should just be us. Besides, we’re closer to her than anybody else.” A tiny glittering snowflake fell from above, landing on Eridan’s cheek, just below his eye. Looking up, the first few clouds are moving slowly above the sky, dropping large flakes on the ground below. They stop on the ice, looking back at each other. Eridan smiles and wraps his arms around Sollux’s neck, leaning in to give him a peck on the lips.

They skate hand in hand for a time, resting in the large drifts at the sides of the rink, staying until the end of the night when the rink closes, and walking home under the falling snow. The now clouded sky is a dull orange from the warm street lamps illuminating the sidewalks of the quiet residential streets. Thoroughly cold by the time they walk in the door of their building, faces red and numbed, Sollux remarks on something about hot cocoa before walking through the door.

\--

Waking up on the couch always caused Sollux a lot more aches and pains than most people. Sleeping awkwardly was always a problem for him, as Eridan would harp on about. He smiles weakly as the thought of Eridan crossed his mind, sitting up from the couch, seeing the remnants of his previous night; about a dozen cigarette butts stick out of the old ashtray he had put away months ago. The cigarettes Cronus brought him sat in a plastic bag on the edge of his table. Shuffling off to the bathroom, he lets the weight of dread pile on top of him as he’s done for the past few weeks. He stops when he gets to the bathroom, no energy to start the shower or do anything but stare at himself in the mirror. His eyes are glassy and bloodshot, with dark circles underneath, making his face look sunken. 

“Oh, ED,” he sighs for no real reason. He looks down at the sink, his head beginning to ache from his thoughts. True, his dreams were being cruel to him; seeing Eridan’s face lit up with joy, recalling every joyous moment he had with him, each different scene playing out almost exactly as it did mere months ago. He was happy, he was whole, and it was all under the pretense that he imagined Eridan’s death the entire time.

Sollux manages to tear himself from his reflection to relieve himself, noticing an old bottle of Eridan’s shampoos in the shower as he zips up his fly. He turns away from the bathroom, finding his way back to the bedroom, and sitting on the edge of the bed. The photograph of the wizard child Eridan grins up at him from the bedside table. He flips it over, looking over the perfectly made covers. He lies down on his side of the bed closest to the wall and closes his eyes. Wondering how long the dreams will last and how long they could pacify him, he tries to relax his mind to fall back asleep. To remind himself of what he had, to forget for a moment the harsh reality surrounding him.

To just sleep through it.


End file.
